The Reunion of Stupid Crushes: Are We Just Suckers for Puppy Love?

Hello readers! Today, let's delve into a topic that resonates with many of us: the rollercoaster ride of heartbreak and the essential journey of self-discovery that often follows. I want to share my experience—a story that ultimately taught me invaluable lessons about self-worth, the power of friendship, and the strength that lies within when we learn to let go of the things holding us back.

Ah, young love. How do we twirl into romantic infatuation in our early years? We've all had that one person we dubbed 'the love of our lives' back then, haven't we? Honestly, I chuckle at the thought. Because let's be honest: how did we overlook all those red flags wrapped up in what we believed was the perfect guy?

Of course, some lucky souls are still with their high school sweethearts. If you're one of those, hats off to you! Your dedication to staying with someone from your awkward teenage years is a mystery. But I can't help but wonder, do you guys ever feel the itch to explore new connections? I mean, dating is like trying out flavours of ice cream—sure, vanilla is classic, but have you ever tasted salted caramel?

Looking back, I feel like a completely different person than I was just five or even three years ago. The evolution is wild! I've learned so much, and my eyes have been opened to the reality of relationships. So, let's ponder this: could those past crushes we swore were "the one" have the potential now that we're older and wiser? Frankly, revisiting past romances sounds worse than a root canal. I'd rather poke my eyes out than go back! There's a reason they're in the past, and trust me, I've shopped around for a new kind of love.

Looking back on my first crush, I can't help but chuckle at my naivety about love. Love is such a powerful word, yet I was just smitten with the idea of a perfect boy I had conjured up in my imagination. Enter Kaiden, the guy I met on Tinder—and, amusingly enough, a familiar face from college. In my opinion, he was a breathtaking creature: 5'5", lean, muscly build, a buzz cut, and a sleeve of tattoos. His piercing green eyes and big nose conveyed a certain rugged charm, and I was drawn in by his unique accent and smart-casual style. I was sold. Each back-and-forth lit up my phone with promises of dinner dates and deep conversations. Naturally, as young people do, we swiftly moved to Snapchat (Classic, I know), giving me a glimpse of his face; it funny how those "hot" looks can fade once the reality of someone's character kicks in.

After a week of anticipation, we finally set a date to meet (Trust me, I was counting down). The sun was shining on our "first date", but he didn't tell me a time. I waited—impatiently, I might add. I had been out with my parents all day, but when it came time for our meeting, I was restless, waiting at home in my carefully chosen outfit and increasingly annoyed. While he kept texting me, confessing his nerves, my patience was wearing as thin as my eyeliner. Eventually, he messaged, revealing he was on his way at 5 o'clock when I had been waiting since 3. He only lived 20 minutes away.

All I could think was, "Is this the best he can do?" A red flag? Oh, honey, it wasn't just a red flag but a flaming banner waving in my face (As later down the line, he would complain about how far he had to drive to see me!). He pulled up, not even rounding to my front door but waiting in the pub car park. A bit odd, but whatever. I thought as I told him I was walking over. When I got to the car and saw him, he didn't even get out; he just told me to get in. As I did, my nerves kicked in full force. We hugged, and I could feel the sweat running down my back—not just from the heat.

We decided to hit a local seaside town. But as we drove, I fell into an awkward silence. Instead of my typically bubbly self, I felt frozen. He tried to draw me out, but looking back, I realised that quietness was far from ordinary—it was a warning sign. We talked for hours, sitting on a bench with the sea as our backdrop, but his visits became sparse as time passed. I would only see him once a week for a fleeting half-hour, often parked at that pub, leaving me to yearn for more. It wasn't long before I was frustrated, yet I stayed silent because he could make me laugh and sold me promises of meeting his family and moving forward together.

Two months later, as I prepared to leave my small town for University in Manchester, I had my last encounter with him. He clung to me as I said goodbye, pretending how much he'd miss me. Little did I know, they were just sweet lies, veiling the truth I'd soon discover about everything he'd done behind my back. He had been seeing other girls while leading me on, and his sweet words were just a cover for his deceitful actions. This painful lesson exposed the importance of honesty and respect in a relationship. It taught me that a relationship should be built on trust and that deceit and manipulation have no place in love.

Today, I know better. Two years ago, I cried endlessly, but I've since shed that heartache. It's a bittersweet realisation—I hadn't been a priority for him, and that's the crux of it. At the end of the day, it's you and your friends that matter most. They were there for me, offering their shoulders to cry on and their ears to listen. A guy should be the cherry on top of your delightful life, not the core of it. Remember, your self-worth is non-negotiable. You are valuable and deserve to be treated with respect and care.

Remember this: your happiness should always come first. It's not selfish; it's self-care. Careers will shape your future, and friendships will lift you higher. Don't allow a relationship to shape your self-worth or well-being. So, to all the young women out there, embrace your independence, chase your passions, and keep your focus on yourself. You are your own priority, and the world is yours to conquer! Regarding relationships, remember to communicate openly, set boundaries, and never compromise your values for someone else. You deserve to be with someone who respects and cherishes you for who you are.

Being at University, Kaiden would message me, expressing his desire to take me out for dinner when I was back (which he never did, not even when I first met him). We swapped flirty exchanges filled with playful banter. But as time went on, something began to shift. The excitement I felt started to wane as I became more aware of the underlying issues in our dynamic. Do you know that feeling when the reality of someone's character begins to seep through the cracks?

The girls I first met at freshers' week encouraged me to move on, warning me to cut ties with someone who seemed emotionally unavailable. Yet, despite their wise advice, I found it hard to part ways and clung to the attachment I had built with Kaiden.

Then, just when I was at one of my lowest points during freshers' week — when I was overwhelmed with homesickness and anxiety — In walked Fabian. Ah, Fabian! He was 6'2  ", tanned, and had golden tousled hair that perfectly framed his bright blue eyes. Right from our first phone conversation, I realised Kaiden would never pick up when I rang him. Fabian quickly became my lifeline during a time when I was desperate for support, my go-to person to vocalise my fears and frustrations. Each night, I would call him, crying about how lost I felt, and he would listen intently, offering words of encouragement and laughter that pulled me from the depths of my sadness.

Unbeknownst to me, while I was pouring my heart out to Fabian, he was quietly falling for me. One night, we talked for five hours straight, and he gently nudged me to reconsider my relationship with Kaiden, pointing out how much I deserved better and someone who truly cared. But like many things in life, love can cloud judgment, and I was determined to cling to Kaiden, filled with denial about the glaring truth.

That night, I told Kaiden about everything Fabian said, and his response was a dismissive remark to brush me off, advising me to hang out with friends and not worry about him. It was all so reassuring — or so I thought. In reality, it was a clear sign he didn't honestly care. I caught myself longing for attention from someone who just wasn't invested. Fabian called later that night, telling me Kaiden had tried to add him on Snapchat. To this day, I still don't know why.

Fast-forward a couple of months. I had left University and became increasingly frustrated by Kaiden's actions. A wake-up call came when I found myself having too much to drink at a pub. This led to an explosive argument with Kaiden on text, which I still do not remember to this day. The next thing I knew, I woke up to a painful headache and the realisation that he had removed me from Snapchat. Ouch!

In the aftermath (which was messy), feeling a mix of confusion and anger, I made an impulsive decision to show up at his workplace, desperate for clarity. I found myself spiralling deeper into chaos. I let my rage blind me to my own values. I was in a fragile mental state at that time, and it didn't take long for things to go downhill. In a desperate attempt to hurt him — fueled by embers of unresolved anger — I threatened something of his, the one thing I knew he cared deeply about. Looking back, I couldn't believe I let my emotions lead me to such a low point; it was a moment of weakness that I deeply regret, filled with months of built-up frustration. I couldn't believe I could say things like that, which I have learnt from. Everyone has done things they aren't proud of, but it's the person who has shaped who we are now.

When Kaiden left his work to talk to me, I could see the disappointment in his eyes as he told me I crossed a line. The reality was that I was left in a whirlwind of emotions, struggling to come to terms with everything that had happened. I was letting chaos dictate my life. I stepped back and decided to cut ties and break free from his hold over me. I removed him from Instagram, deleted his number, and started the long process of mentally letting go and set out to untangle the mess he had created in my heart and mind— which was no easy feat. After spending nine months entangled with someone who ultimately didn't value me, I found it incredibly difficult to move on, but I knew I had to. It took a year filled with tears, late-night talks with friends, and learning to put myself first. I am forever grateful to my friends, especially Dom (who I cried non-stop to, which definitely made her want to punch me because I would have punched me as well), who weathered the storm with me and helped me navigate my sadness and frustration, reminding me of my worth and encouraging me to reclaim my happiness. I cried more than I cared to admit, unable to shake Kaiden's grip on my heart. I felt awful knowing that my friends were enduring my emotional turmoil; they deserved so much more than that.

Through their encouragement and my own journey of self-reflection, I began to understand that I was giving away too much power to someone who didn't deserve it. I learned a critical lesson: do not allow anyone to dictate your worth. Without my incredible friends by my side, I would not have found the strength to heal and grow from this experience.

After some time, I ran into Kaiden again, and instead of feeling lost and consumed by emotions, I felt a sense of empowerment wash over me. I walked past him like he was just another person in a crowded room, finally understanding that he didn't deserve my energy or attention. I no longer needed his validation.

Looking back, it's hard to believe I let someone have that much power over me. To all the young women out there: don't give your heart away so quickly, especially to someone who doesn't value it. Understand that your self-worth is not tied to anyone else's opinion of you.

Let's raise our glasses to learn, grow, and laugh at our past crushes. Here's to all the Kaidens who teach us what we don't want in love! I have left out the whole frame of that period and other situations I fell into with him that I do not feel comfortable developing into and sharing, but I hope my point has come across. So here's my advice: embrace your friendships, celebrate your individuality, and never compromise on self-respect. You aren't your anger, your past, or your decisions. You are the captain of your ship, so steer it towards what you want and reclaim your joy!